I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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