you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
