just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
