Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
