i permit you to call me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
