3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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