Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
