you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just invented taco cereal.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
