your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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