I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
