dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
