my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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