And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
