the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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