If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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