the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
