I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
