He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
