I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
