i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
