then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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