i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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