I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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