shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
