I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
