I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
