what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
This house was built for laser tag.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
