yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
