She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
