I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
