you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
