I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
