Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
