can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
