I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize