i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
