Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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