Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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