Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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