trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
