i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
