Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
