i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
