i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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