in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she pinky promised me she was 18
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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