Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
