the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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