i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
