I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
