what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
