I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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