yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
