just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
What a dumb baby whore.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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