its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
