she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
