Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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