Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize