Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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