Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
