my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
