i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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