Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
there was a trapeze. enough said
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
