How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
