Sry I called you an 8
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
