is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
