I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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