i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
