totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
