im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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