I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
