I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
